If I am so mentally fixed on thinness, why am I not trying to lose weight? I haven’t even TRIED to eat less. maybe I’m scared. maybe I know how awful it was to ruin so many relationships and miss out on so many experiences. I think I am too afraid to go back to the hell-hole life I used to had. That is what is saving me. I don’t want to go back, but I feel like I am back there in my head. I guess I feel like if I don’t physically go there no one will know and my relationships won’t be hindered. I just want to get over this once and for all. but I can’t. I am so not over it right now, I am under it. I am completely drowning in it. but no one will know. and that is just how I want it.
Posted on Thursday, 28 May 2009
